1. Divorce and subsequent remarriage is allowable (though not automatic) if one spouse is an adulterer.
This is the teaching we see from Jesus in Matthew, both in the Sermon on the Mount and in later on in Matt 19.
In Matt 5:31-32, Jesus says that "except on the ground of sexual immorality" divorce and remarriage is adultery.
In Matt 19:1-12, Jesus comments further on the issue. He offers a positive view of marriage: It is between a man and woman, intended for life. In this passage, He also reiterates the standard he laid out back in Matt 5. Indeed, this standard is so high that the disciples have the same response many of us do when we read it: "If this is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry!" (v.10)
2. Divorce and subsequent remarriage is allowable (though not automatic) if one spouse leaves the other because he or she has become a Christian, or if the other spouse is excommunicated.
This situation is laid out in 1 Cor 7:15. Here the Apostle Paul is dealing with the problem in which a non-Christian spouse leaves his/her Christian spouse because of his or her conversion to the faith. He states that if an "unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases, the brother or sister is not enslaved." Paul here is allowing for divorce in the case of desertion, and, assuming that "not enslaved" means "free to remarry," (and that is a big assumption) Paul is also allowing remarriage after divorce in this situation.
Now, if these are the two instances where divorce and remarriage is allowable (and as I said, this is the most liberal interpretation which a plain and historically aware reading of Scripture will allow) then even in this liberal view, a large amount of divorce inside the Church in the U.S. is sin. Jesus calls it adultery.
Where to go from here? (for Church leaders)
The response to this must be a national repentance within the Church, especially for the leaders of the Church. Many of us have allowed this sin (among others) to be acceptable; we have forsaken our calling.
- The result of our negligence is that many divorced people who have been hurt through difficult marriages have been hurt even worse by the trauma of divorce (and sometimes multiple divorces and remarriages). National repentance within the Church will require bolstering our current efforts to aid marriages that are hurting, in addition to refusing to remarry those who have not had biblical divorce.
- Another result our negligence has been that newly single mom's have become the largest population who fall below the poverty line in America.
- Another result of our negligence has been that most of our children have a damaged understanding of God's most basic means of communicating the realities of his relationship to us: Father to son; Bridegroom to Bride.
- And, as I mentioned above, we have lost our credibility to speak in the public forum about sexual ethics.
Where do I go from here? (for those who have divorced for wrong reasons)
If you have divorced or remarried after divorce without a biblical warrant, the first thing you must do in response to Jesus' teaching, is to acknowledge this as sin. I know this sounds harsh, but all sin, if not dealt with, will fester and kill you. Why will you not, even now, confess this to God?
Confessing your divorce as sin may be very difficult to do. I think it's difficult because most people have been hurt badly in the marriage they left, and acknowledging that the divorce was wrong seems to be saying that the evil done to them during marriage was not wrong. That's not the case; God will deal with your ex. Your concern (for now) is your own condition before God. Jesus, your Lord, has prohibited the very thing you have done. Not confessing your sin to Him, not admitting that it is a contradiction of your claim to be his disciple, is essentially a denial of Christ altogether. We must confess our sin to Him and give up our pride.
What happens when we confess our sins to our Lord? We have great confidence that when we do sin against our Lord, that He will forgive us:
- We can look at his actions in history. He tolerated a wayward people for hundreds of years. He gave second, third, and fortieth chances. He finally sent His Son, dealing with sin Himself as it were, to pay for our treason with his death on a cross and to bring us to Himself. What more could He do? He has shown us his mercy by action.
- He has promised us that He will forgive all Christians who confess their sins: "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9)
- He has given his ministers, as representatives of his people, the authority to proclaim forgiveness. If you confess alone and you have no Christian community, no Church, you will miss a huge part of God's healing grace. Indeed, it may be important to confess this to your family and friends who have been affected by your actions. In my experience, until confession of public sins becomes public, real healing has not occurred.